Friday, July 15, 2011

Are You Up for This?

THIS IS GREAT for wordsmiths! Read all the way to the end. This took a lot of work to put together.

You think English is easy???
Read to the end ... a new twist

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The peasant decided to desert his dessert in the desert

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,

nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France .

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that

quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither

from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,

what do you call it?

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,

while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up

as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race,

which, of course, is not a race at all.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You lovers of the English
language might enjoy this:

here is a two-letter word
that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is

It's easy to understand
, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call
UP our frie nds. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polishUP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this
UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed
UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP,

look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page

and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP for now my time is UP, is time to shut UP!


Susan said...

Clear beyond words.....yes, pun intended!!

Why do we park on the driveway and drive on the parkway?

Your post brought a smile to my face and has gotten my head spinning.

Cathy said...

That was so neat, Maxine, thank you. I think I'll send it to my grandson. :)Did you write all that yourself?!

Laurie said...

What fun this was to read, Maxine! It gave me quite an UPlift today!!
It is time to take out my Golden Retriever, who is neither golden (she is reddish) or a retriever (she hates to give UP her toys!!)

I hope you and your family have a great week.

Hugs and love,

Mary said...

Thanks for posting that, Maxine. Mary R. here. I used to teach English as a foreign language to S. Koreans, and boy was it hard! They'd ask questions like, "Why don't you say, 'He WAS dead,' instead of, 'He IS dead,' if he died in the past?'" (Huh?) Or try to teach the difference between "some" and "any," (I have SOME flowers; I don't have ANY flowers. They wanted to say, "I don't have SOME flowers," (instead of, "I don't have ANY flowers;" and I had to make them see the difference. Oh, hundreds of things like that. They thought English was stupid. Plus, it is not phonetic -- lots of words not pronounced the way they sound.

Maxine said...

Thanks everybody. What fun. No Cathy,this was a forward I received.
I like that, that Laurie. Golden Retriever who isn't! Love that Susn about driveway/parkway.

I can just imagine, Mary, how people from other countries must struggle with all the inconsistencies.


That was great, Maxine!!! Some times confusing but it sure made my mind have to Thanks, connie

Maxine said...

So nice to hear from you, Connie! It's been ages and I sure do owe you a visit!

Barbara said...

Maxine, I love this. I've always loved to quiz people (my grandkids) on using words like this.

Another set of words that people get wrong lots if take and carry.